Today we're sharing some more tips on keeping love alive all year long.
I thought it might be interesting to have a man's perspective on the issue, so I asked the hubs for his advice. Plus, he's a much better writer than I am. ;)
I don't know why Melinda chose me to take a stab at 5 Tips for Keeping Love Alive after V-Day. I've been married less than three years, and I have a lot of work to do in the quest to become a genuine, loving husband. Nevertheless, here are some humble insights from an inexperienced husband. Take 'em with a grain of salt. Note that these tips will be written from the perspective of a married man. Still, the generalities should apply to both sides of the coin (males and females) and to those who are dating or engaged. Also, please don't think that I live by all of these tips all the time. Tips are easy to give, but following them is much harder.
Tip #1 - Jesus Christ
You might be thinking, What?! What in the world does Jesus have to do with love and romance? In a word, EVERYTHING. Here's a newsflash: we as humans do not know what love is. The Creator of love (God), on the other hand, probably has a pretty good handle on it. 1 John 4:19 reads: We love because he first loved us. Read the rest of the chapter for further insights on love. In short, I can't love my wife with the deepest form of love, agape love (the Greeks had three words for love) if I don't have Christ: the one who exemplifies this type of love. What is this type of love? It's unconditional, meaning that I choose to love Melinda no matter what (no matter what she looks like [put praise God that you're smokin' hot, baby!], no matter the state of her health, no matter whether she loves me back, etc.). Sound familiar? The covenantal vows made on a wedding day get their life from Scripture. This love is also selfless. Selfishness is a disease, and all of us are carriers. I have to fight my selfish tendencies daily to put Melinda first. This love is sacrificial, which is a deeper form of selflessness. This means that I give up myself for my wife. It can range from the little things (foregoing a Sunday afternoon football game in order to spend time with Melinda) to the big things (considering her desires first when planning our future). Finally, this love is full of grace and forgiveness. Have I wronged Melinda? Absolutely. Many times, in fact. Has she wronged me? Sure, she has. We are both flawed, depraved human beings, which means we both need grace and forgiveness. Being slow to get angry and quick to forgive goes a long ways. In sum, Jesus Christ is the model of what love should be. If our love isn't based on and centered on him, then everything else falls apart. To steal a line from the movie, Fireproof, "You can't give [your wife/husband] what you don't have." It all begins with accepting Christ.
Tip #2 - Get a PhD in your spouse (another concept from Fireproof, I know)
Learn about your mate. Learn everything about him or her, and never stop learning. Thirst to know more about your spouse. Ask questions if you have to, and make mental (or handwritten) notes about the answers. Melinda's favorite flower: daisy, especially those of the gerbera variety. Favorite color: pink. Favorite drink: milk. I could go on ad nauseam, but you get the point. If you know your spouse, then you can serve your spouse in light of his or her needs and wants. Know the main things and the details. Both parties must be active in this process and active in working on the relationship. Two people never drift closer together. If you drift, then it will be apart. Take the vehicle of your relationship off of cruise control and take the initiative to work on your relationship.
Tip #3 - Let loose, have fun, find common interests
Some of the best times Melinda and I have had are when we act as though we've lost our minds. For example, we sometimes form claws with our hands, smile, and growl at each other. It's one of our weird quirks. We sometimes chase each other around the house. Just a few weeks ago, we participated in a two-person conga line through the kitchen. We laugh so stinking hard together! Let loose with your mate and find your "things". Have inside jokes and share your quirks. Let's face it; none of us is truly "normal" deep down inside. How boring would that be if we all were "normal"? Since we aren't, why in the world are we trying so hard to be "normal"? The one person with whom you should be able to cut-up is your significant other. It's just so much more fun that way.
Also, find things that you like to do together as a couple. Things you both like. Part of this process may involve taking an interest in your mate's preferences. Melinda typically hates football, but she's watched a few games with me. In fact, she has started to like it to some degree. For the most part, I can't stand classical movies, but I've watched quite a few with Melinda. You know what? I didn't die! In fact, I enjoyed taking an interest in one of her pastimes, and I found out that some of the movies are pretty good.
Tip #4 - Find the time, have dates, and interact
It's easy to let the busyness of life keep you from having one-on-one time with your mate. However, we all make time for the things we want to do. When people first start dating, they never have a problem finding time. Of course, the free time seems to dwindle when life moves along. Solution: plan date nights. And, make 'em good dates. Going to or renting a movie is fun and Melinda and I have had those dates, but the movie is one of the worst date options. It's you and your mate…staring at a screen. This diminishes the opportunity for interaction, which is what a date is for. Get creative with your dates. Take a road trip, visit a new town/city, have a picnic, take a walk, ride go-carts, play board games, etc. Take the time to do something with your mate and live life, instead of watching fictional characters live theirs.
Tip #5 - In order for a flame to continue its burn, it must be fueled and fanned everyday
It's really hard to whittle advice down into five tips, so this last one will serve as a hodgepodge. The motivation behind this post idea is a tip in and of itself. Valentine's Day is great, but it's only one day. A relationship that develops into a marriage will last thousands of days. You can't expect to knock out the world on V-Day and coast for the rest of the year. Love your mate daily. Tell her how much you appreciate what she does around the house. Remind him how much you respect his opinion. Rub her feet/back/shoulders when she's sore. Give him a kiss before he goes to work. Surprise her with something she wants. Fix him his favorite meal. The tail of Romans 12:10 reads, Outdo one another in showing honor. Serve your mate according to his or her preferences, and be creative! Melinda and I have sent each other on scavenger hunts, left encouraging notes for each other, and surprised the other on days other than birthdays. Take the time to serve and serve well. Not just today, but every day. Every morning that we wake up, we have decisions to make. Are we going to be blessings in our mates' lives today or not? Are we going to encourage them and build them up, or are we going to tear them down? The days in which we decide to bless, encourage, and build up will become dear memories to both our mates and ourselves. The days in which we don't will be filled with regret. Unlike the days of blessing, we will want to forget about the time that was lost in conflict or apathy.
Melinda's blogger friend, Kate, has some great tips in her post, and I've tried not to overlap her advice. I'm no marriage counselor and I need just as much help as the next guy, but I hope that these tips are encouraging to you. Give your relationship to Christ, and everything else will fall into place. Learn about your mate, let loose and be yourself with your mate, go on dates that give you two the opportunity to communicate, and serve each other daily. A couple that loves and serves Jesus and loves and serves each other is a beautiful thing.
Aw, shucks!! Ain't he sweet?!
You can also find this post here. Thanks so much, Kate, for having us over!
Hope ya'll all had the happiest Valentine's Day!
~Mel
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